Blessed Brokenness & Resurrection Hope

If you’ve ever failed miserably, let others down and disappointed yourself beyond what you thought possible, here is some is good news. The Gospel accounts of events leading up to Jesus’ death on the cross and those surrounding His resurrection are full of lessons for us – if we will take the time to look, listen and learn. Let’s explore just one of those lessons, which plays out in the life of Peter.

“You will all fall away,” Jesus told them, “for it is written: “‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.’ But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Peter declared, “Even if all fall away, I will not.” “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “today—yes, tonight—before the rooster crows twice you yourself will disown me three times.” But Peter insisted emphatically, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the others said the same. (Mark 14:27-31)

“My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Simon Peter asked him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus replied, “Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.” Peter asked, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”

Then Jesus answered, “Will you really lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times! “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (John 13:33 – 4:4)

From the start, Peter had been part of Jesus’ inner circle. Along with James and John, he had been included in some of the most powerful encounters and intimate moments of the Lord’s three and a half years of ministry—but yet he often missed the point and failed to see beyond the surface to receive Jesus’ self-revelation in those moments. He was more focused on the “success” of the enterprise and what he could do to ensure that success (especially as Jesus’ most dedicated disciple—in his own mind at least), and so he failed to experience the intimacy that was being offered. It’s hard to experience intimacy in relationships when you’ve always got something to prove. But now Jesus was going away, and this time the disciples couldn’t follow—not even Peter. He couldn’t accept that there was something he was not capable of doing, especially when it was the most important thing of all.

Observe in Mark’s account of the Upper Room scene how Peter essentially claimed to be the most dedicated disciple: “Even if all fall away, I will not!” I wonder how the other disciples felt about that statement? I’m sure Peter’s heart sank like a stone when Jesus looked at him and said, “No, Peter, not only are you incapable of following Me right now, but you’re going to fall flat on your face just trying!”

Imagine yourself in Peter’s place. After all this time working your hardest, trying your utmost to prove your worth, to be the best, Jesus has just told you that you will fail—and fail badly! You would feel sick with dismay and disbelief. But then, in His very next breath, Jesus said the craziest thing: “Don’t worry about it—it’s going to be okay. Trust God, and trust Me! (Maybe as opposed to trusting in your own ability get everything right). I’m going to do something for you, something that will make it possible for you to follow Me and to be with Me—really be with me—where I am. I’m going to bring you to a place of intimacy you could never get to on your own!”

As that night progressed, events unfolded just as Jesus predicted. When He was arrested and taken to the residence of the high priest, Peter and John followed at a distance. John was somehow already known to the high priest’s family, so he went in, but Peter had to wait at the gate until John came back out to vouch for him. And this was where Peter’s bold claims—that he would follow Jesus to the end and never falter— pitifully unraveled. A servant girl, the most unimportant person imaginable in that day, was on-duty at the gate. And suddenly all of Peter’s bold self-confidence, all of his formidable selfstrength, crumbled in that moment as she challenged him with the question: “You aren’t one of this man’s disciples too, are you?”

“I am not!” All the hidden fear, all the human weakness that he could never acknowledge, betrayed him in that moment, and he couldn’t stand up to even a young teenage girl—let alone the men who would question him a second and third time as they all stood around a charcoal fire to stay warm. He would make the same denial at each challenge, finally with some angry curses thrown in for good measure. He would come to intimately understand the reality of his weakness as a man, the limits of his own ability. The Scripture tells us that after that took place, he went out and wept bitterly. My guess is that he was not only weeping over the fact that he had publicly disowned the dearest Friend a man could ever have, but he was equally weeping over the shattering of that false but cherished self-image he had held as the strongest, the best, the most devoted disciple. When that image you’ve lovingly polished and protected lies in pieces around you and you are brought to realize that you’ve done no better than anyone else—and possibly much worse— it’s a bitter moment indeed. But it’s also a blessed one. It was by far the worst thing and, at the same time, the best thing that could have happened to Peter. That native independence, born of a naïve trust in his own abilities, was finally crumbling.

Follow Me—Intimacy through Obedience

If you’ve read the gospel accounts, you know the rest of the story. In the days following Jesus’ resurrection, He appeared to the group of disciples on several occasions with words of peace, reassurance, and the hope of good things to come. Beneath the mind-blowing joy they must have experienced, however, I wonder what was going on in Peter’s heart and mind. From the confusion of Jesus’ arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane, where “they all left Him and fled,” to Peter’s pivotal failure in the courtyard of the high priest, none of them had exactly been star performers! The private conversations Jesus must have had with the disciples after His resurrection are not recorded for us (and I like that fact, actually!), but this “inbetween time” had to have been somewhat awkward while everyone waited for whatever was coming next. You see, there was an “elephant in the room”—Peter’s profanity-laced denial of Jesus—which no one was talking about. Peter must have been wondering if things could ever be the same between him and the Lord—but Jesus had a plan. And no, this relationship would never be the same. It would actually be better and deeper than ever before.

Finally the day came for a “reboot” of Peter’s relationship with Jesus, the day to clear the air and to begin again. Take a few moments to read about it in John 21: “Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Galilee. It happened this way: Simon Peter, Thomas (also known as Didymus), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. “I’m going out to fish,” Simon Peter told them, and they said, “We’ll go with you.” So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?” “No,” they answered. He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.”

So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

Peter’s journey with Jesus had begun several years before with a very similar event, after he had fished all night with his companions and caught nothing, but then after following Jesus’ instructions, he had put down the nets one more time and hauled in a huge catch. At that time, he was overwhelmed with the realization of his own weakness and Jesus’ supreme ability and authority, and he humbled himself. (See Luke 5:1–11.) Jesus’ response was simply, “Don’t be afraid!” with an invitation to follow Him. So maybe this scene in John 21 signaled a new beginning for Peter, another chance to leave behind his own way of doing things through brash self-confidence, and to become a trusting, obedient follower submitted to the Father’s will. I love the way Jesus confronted and restored Peter as they all sat around a charcoal fire on the beach. It was simple, it was kind, and it cut right to the heart of the matter. There was no formal inquisition in front of a tribunal to rehearse Peter’s failure, to underscore how terrible it was. Just a conversation that took place in a circle of intimate friends, dealing with matters of the heart.

“Peter, do you love Me more than these?” Remember Peter’s confident boast—that even if everyone else fell away, he would still be right there at Jesus’ side? There’s no boast now, just a humble, sincere, “Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.” He didn’t add anything to it, no big claims, no declarations of the great things he was going to do or the impressive plans he had. Peter finally understood his own weakness, his capacity for failure, and his deep need. From that day on, he was letting Jesus take the lead and set the agenda. Twice more, the same question, until Peter’s heart was sore. But this question was the only one that really mattered. Love. It means we’re not free to do our own thing, run our own show, and go our own way. That independent way of life and those days of immaturity must be left behind; things are different now. Love binds us to the Beloved, to His agenda, His people, His priorities. This is the intimacy of obedience.

The command that Jesus attaches to love is the command to serve, to take care of others for His sake, rather than to chase greatness in an attempt to prove our own ability and worth. Jesus’ final words to Peter in this chapter may sound ominous, this contrast between when he was younger, when he did what he wanted and went where he pleased, and the future, when he would abandon his freedom utterly for the sake of love—even to the point of death. But the reward was intimate fellowship with Jesus, and so one last time, the invitation came with the force of a command: “Follow Me!”

There is a daily choice set before us between the independence of self-sufficiency (which is so admired in this world), and that special fellowship with God that we can only experience through humility, dependence, and obedience. And this is the one thing that will truly satisfy our souls.

NOTE: This post is an excerpt from my book, The Good Father – Keys for Overcoming in the Struggle for a Identity, Belonging & Better Relationships. It’s available on Amazon as a paperback or for Kindle. https://www.amazon.com/GOOD-FATHER-overcoming-belonging-relationships/dp/B09GZFBC2T/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1TV8E8KG41XYC&keywords=the+good+father+by+paul+butler&qid=1680981650&sprefix=the+good+father+by+paul+butler%2Caps%2C1015&sr=8-1